Bad Movie Idea of the day

Was sitting at lunch the other day with friends playing a common game among story artists... thinking up "bad movie ideas that you could actually see getting made". This concept is so high (drug reference pun intended), it needed to have a poster made for it. And don't ask why Clint Eastwood is in the movie...he just is, it was a bad career choice.

Sold out.

(I took this picture at Target. Which just strengthens my argument that all you need is a red shirt to work there.)


UPDATE:

I received a phone call from Frederick T. Target, the CEO of Target, informing me that the pretzels in the display case are in fact, fake plastic pretzels. I asked what would happen if I ate one. He said I would throw up fake plastic vomit. Makes sense.

54 Intercontinental Cuties in store now!

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is your captain speaking...
We here at cooleycooley.com airlines want to thank you for your patience. We left you sitting on the tarmac for a bit while final inspections were being made, but now we have been cleared for takeoff. Once airborne, our lovely stewardesses will advance down the aisle offering you a beverage and a deck of 54 Intercontinental Cuties playing cards. These cards, created by 2 artists who are fans of the female form, are offered at $25 and will definitely keep you occupied while flying with us. And YES, that means internationally too.

One of the female air traffic controllers in the tower just flashed me, which means we are cleared for departure. So sit back, relax, and crack open a new deck of cards. And from all of us at cooleycooley.com airlines..."Thank you for flying with us."
Destination: SEXY TIME!

Cards available HERE!
www.cooley.bigcartel.com

Happy Shark Week?....

...more like "Happy End of Humanity." I couldn't believe that the other day, someone actually muttered those words at me... "Here's your ticket, next time keep it under 50 while in a school zone....and Happy Shark Week."

PFfft. Shark Week. Are you friggin' kiddin' me?!

Who's idea was it to throw a week long celebration for the ocean's number one terrorist?! We only celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King for a single day, and he NEVER bit anyone's legs off. The fact that we acknowledge the shark by wasting valuable television viewing hours is a sin. Think about it...sharks have never been associated with anything good...

Jumping the shark


Bad Trapper Keeper Art


The San Jose Sharks


Great White


Shark Tale


Bottom line is sharks need to go. NOW. They are godless, killing machines that enjoy chewing off the limbs of the best kind of women we have: the ones in bikinis.


BP has the right idea. How much more oil do we need to dump into the ocean to kill these bastards?

I know what you're thinking. "Wow, Mr. Cooley. You really hate sharks. I think maybe you are afraid of sharks..." Your damn right, I am. And you should be too. Sharks are fast, they have 5 billion rows of killing teeth, and they love blood. Human blood. That's the kind inside us. And they'll use all their teeth to get to it. Here's some other facts about sharks that should terrify you...
- Sharks never sleep
- Sharks can see almost 360 degrees, and into your soul
- After a shark kills you, it will steal your identity, charging all your credit cards and ruining your credit score
- Sharks are better at playing pool than you think
- "Jaws" was a documentary
- Oh yeah, and now apparently, sharks can FLY! OUT OF WATER! IN THE AIR!



The second I saw that Planet Earth video of that massive shark getting a 50 foot vertical and bringing down a helicopter, I sped over to my old junior high school and punched my science teacher in the face. Why wasn't I warned about this?? SHARKS ARE FLYING, PEOPLE!!! THIS IS NOT OKAY!!
How long until they just leap out of the oceans and into our homes, feasting on everyone inside?!!


Answer: Soon...and we are running out of time. These water terminators are evolving way too quickly. What's next for the flying shark? Legs? Yes. Washboard abs? Definitely. Two tickets to the gun show?

We are screwed.

MOVIES R FUN! R AVAILABLE!

Movies R Fun is available in the Cooley store, and have been discounted from $5,000,000 to a measly $35. There's not a whole bunch left. I did an initial small print run, and the book did well at Comic-Con, so get'em while they're hot. For those that haven't held one in their hands, the book is hard-bound with that thick cardstock that kids' books have so that children can chew on the pages. And I will hand sign each order. Specify the name you would like it signed to if you want.

Also, I have a select few 13x19 Big Lebowski Jesus, Comic-Con Exclusive prints left as well that are in the store. They are hand signed and numbered, and when they are gone, they are gone.




Here's a better look at them, as modeled by a guy dressed as Jesus at Comic-Con.



More prints from the book will be appearing in the store soon.

UPDATE
ALSO.... The 54 Intercontinental Cuties playing cards will be available soon! I will post again when they are in the store.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled blogging nonsense.........

Annnnnd...we're back.

Comic-Con 2010 is over.

Which of course means it's time to go back to being a freak in the privacy of our own homes. But I had a blast. It was great meeting all of you fellow blog readers and desecrating your purchases with my signature. Seriously though, the feedback was amazing, and I appreciate it.

And just to answer the questions I've been getting recently all at once...

- The USPS sucks. There have been crazy delays on the shipping of my prints. So now in the store we're offering PRIORITY shipping that will get you your items within a week of shipping says the shipping wizard. If you choose standard economy shipping, expect up to 4 weeks from ship date for delivery.

- Also, if you ordered prints after July 15th, they'll be shipping out this week (because of Comic-Con), thanks for your patience

-And FINALLY..........see the next post..........

It's on like Comic-Con.

I am in San Diego now with 1,000,000 of my closest friends at Comic-Con. So if you have ordered a print recently and have not received a tracking number yet, please know that it may take an extra week on top of the snail's pace delivery of the US postal service, because I am away and unable to fill orders. I know it's taken a few of you a while to receive your prints through the mail, so thank you for your patience. Apparently the US postal service has gone back to delivering the mail via the pony express, and depending on bandit attacks or lightning storms or having to ford a river, it may take many moons to git yer purty hangin' pictures. But when I return next week, I will whip my child printmaking slaves faster for quicker service.

Thank you