Happy Shark Week?....

...more like "Happy End of Humanity." I couldn't believe that the other day, someone actually muttered those words at me... "Here's your ticket, next time keep it under 50 while in a school zone....and Happy Shark Week."

PFfft. Shark Week. Are you friggin' kiddin' me?!

Who's idea was it to throw a week long celebration for the ocean's number one terrorist?! We only celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King for a single day, and he NEVER bit anyone's legs off. The fact that we acknowledge the shark by wasting valuable television viewing hours is a sin. Think about it...sharks have never been associated with anything good...

Jumping the shark


Bad Trapper Keeper Art


The San Jose Sharks


Great White


Shark Tale


Bottom line is sharks need to go. NOW. They are godless, killing machines that enjoy chewing off the limbs of the best kind of women we have: the ones in bikinis.


BP has the right idea. How much more oil do we need to dump into the ocean to kill these bastards?

I know what you're thinking. "Wow, Mr. Cooley. You really hate sharks. I think maybe you are afraid of sharks..." Your damn right, I am. And you should be too. Sharks are fast, they have 5 billion rows of killing teeth, and they love blood. Human blood. That's the kind inside us. And they'll use all their teeth to get to it. Here's some other facts about sharks that should terrify you...
- Sharks never sleep
- Sharks can see almost 360 degrees, and into your soul
- After a shark kills you, it will steal your identity, charging all your credit cards and ruining your credit score
- Sharks are better at playing pool than you think
- "Jaws" was a documentary
- Oh yeah, and now apparently, sharks can FLY! OUT OF WATER! IN THE AIR!



The second I saw that Planet Earth video of that massive shark getting a 50 foot vertical and bringing down a helicopter, I sped over to my old junior high school and punched my science teacher in the face. Why wasn't I warned about this?? SHARKS ARE FLYING, PEOPLE!!! THIS IS NOT OKAY!!
How long until they just leap out of the oceans and into our homes, feasting on everyone inside?!!


Answer: Soon...and we are running out of time. These water terminators are evolving way too quickly. What's next for the flying shark? Legs? Yes. Washboard abs? Definitely. Two tickets to the gun show?

We are screwed.

MOVIES R FUN! R AVAILABLE!

Movies R Fun is available in the Cooley store, and have been discounted from $5,000,000 to a measly $35. There's not a whole bunch left. I did an initial small print run, and the book did well at Comic-Con, so get'em while they're hot. For those that haven't held one in their hands, the book is hard-bound with that thick cardstock that kids' books have so that children can chew on the pages. And I will hand sign each order. Specify the name you would like it signed to if you want.

Also, I have a select few 13x19 Big Lebowski Jesus, Comic-Con Exclusive prints left as well that are in the store. They are hand signed and numbered, and when they are gone, they are gone.




Here's a better look at them, as modeled by a guy dressed as Jesus at Comic-Con.



More prints from the book will be appearing in the store soon.

UPDATE
ALSO.... The 54 Intercontinental Cuties playing cards will be available soon! I will post again when they are in the store.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled blogging nonsense.........

Annnnnd...we're back.

Comic-Con 2010 is over.

Which of course means it's time to go back to being a freak in the privacy of our own homes. But I had a blast. It was great meeting all of you fellow blog readers and desecrating your purchases with my signature. Seriously though, the feedback was amazing, and I appreciate it.

And just to answer the questions I've been getting recently all at once...

- The USPS sucks. There have been crazy delays on the shipping of my prints. So now in the store we're offering PRIORITY shipping that will get you your items within a week of shipping says the shipping wizard. If you choose standard economy shipping, expect up to 4 weeks from ship date for delivery.

- Also, if you ordered prints after July 15th, they'll be shipping out this week (because of Comic-Con), thanks for your patience

-And FINALLY..........see the next post..........

It's on like Comic-Con.

I am in San Diego now with 1,000,000 of my closest friends at Comic-Con. So if you have ordered a print recently and have not received a tracking number yet, please know that it may take an extra week on top of the snail's pace delivery of the US postal service, because I am away and unable to fill orders. I know it's taken a few of you a while to receive your prints through the mail, so thank you for your patience. Apparently the US postal service has gone back to delivering the mail via the pony express, and depending on bandit attacks or lightning storms or having to ford a river, it may take many moons to git yer purty hangin' pictures. But when I return next week, I will whip my child printmaking slaves faster for quicker service.

Thank you

WOO-HOO!

They have arrived.






Bill and I WILL have the playing cards available for our Action Figure Freddy signing in San Francisco tomorrow, 7-10pm. I will also have a small number of Movies R Fun with me too, as well as prints.
Then after Comic-Con, my book, more prints, AND the playing cards will be available here at my store for those who can't muster the stinky, nerd funk of Comic-Con.

UPDATE: Lots of questions about prices...
Movies R Fun book- $30.... or a long 4 minute hug/embrace from Katy Perry
50 Intercontinental Cuties playing cards- $25.... or a plate of hot corndogs and a side of candy corn... served by Katy Perry.

San Diego Comic-Con BOOTH 4800 and ACTION FIGURE FREDDY signing

Attention stalkers,
next week you can find me at the San Diego Comic-Con Booth 4800 alongside Bill Presing, Scott Morse, and Jeff Pidgeon. In the program guide, the booth is listed as Red Window. I'll be there for the entire week with books, playing cards, prints, and original art/commissions.

And after the sun goes down, you might be able to find me in a nearby alley next to an unmarked van that may or may not have a selection of exotic animals for sale. I bet your apartment would look sweet with a baby leopard wandering about. What about your boring jacuzzi tub? I can get you a dolphin. Not boring anymore, is it?

DO NOT ask where the animals came from, it's not your business... cash only please.




Can't make it to Comic-Con? You can find me alongside Bill Presing at Action Figure Freddy in San Francisco, this Friday July 16th 7 to 10pm, signing prints and (god willing) pre-Comic-Con, advance copies of our playing cards (if they arrive by then). Action Figure fingers crossed.

"Let me tell you something (inappropriate), pendejo....."

Been wanting to do a Jesus/Lebowski drawing for a long time. And since I just finished it, I'm making this a ComicCon exclusive print! It'll be similar to the 13x19 available here with the silver border design too. I'll also have the book, other prints from the book, the girly playing cards, and possibly larger girly prints from the cardset. I'll be a regular onestop-shop WalMart!
And for those not going to the con, any leftover Jesus prints will be available here when I return, as well as the book, cards...etc.

So if you are going to ComicCon, stop by Red Window Inc. Booth 4800. That is where I will be stationed, alongside fellow Pixar artists Scott Morse, Bill Presing, Jim Capobiano, and Jeff Pidgeon.

And make sure to tell me, I sent you!