I apologize children.

I take back everything I said about you in my previous post. Please don't kill me.

Why I hate children.

I don't hate children. I just thought that would be a funny title. But something needs to be done about today's meddling kids!

I was taking time to carefully back out of my driveway, when I heard yelling and a faint honking noise. I looked in the street, didn't see any cars coming....then I saw him, not 4 feet from my door. The neighbor boy, driving his Shelby Mustang Power Wheel, yelling at me for blocking the sidewalk. A third grader with road rage. His sister sitting shotgun, locked eyes with me, waved her fist in the air and shouted "move it, or lose it."

I sat there shocked for a second wondering why this kid has a nicer car than me, which was a second too long for him because he began ramming his front end into my side panel. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Is this now considered an accident? Do we have to swap insurance information? Or should I just get out, pick up his Mustang and toss it into the bushes?

What is with kids today? At the risk of sounding like an old man, you kids suck. You brats have everything you could ever want at your fingertips and it's never enough. For example, Legos. I had Legos growing up. Colored blocks that came with instructions with no words on them. When I would cry to my mom that I had no friends... she would say "Yeah, but you've got a lot of Legos." But my Legos sucked compared to what they are today. Look at this. You like Legos? Yes. You like Star Wars? Double Yes! Well here you go....a Lego AT-AT, instant awesomeness.

So not fair. I would have given up my Otter Pop addiction to have this as a kid. I built a Star Wars AT-AT from SCRATCH once using pieces from all of my other non-Star Wars Lego sets, because STAR WARS LEGOS WEREN'T INVENTED YET!!! It was cool except that I had to use Legos from my pirate ship set, race car sets, and happy meal Legos...which meant I ended up with a multi-colored, rainbow AT-AT that looked like it belonged in the Hoth gay pride parade. A Gay-T AT.



I think we can all agree the blame for all the bratty children should be put on the internet. So on the count of 3, let's all pull our power-strips out of the wall without safely shutting down our computers. That'll show the world wide web who's boss. Ready? one...two...thre---

Dr. Sketchy's- Bunny Pistol

Dr. Sketchy's = A figure drawing class with real LIVE burlesque dancers for models, with an open bar.

The only way you could make that better is if it was held at a Chuck E. Cheese. But that stupid rat with his high standards and judgements, WON'T ALLOW IN a drunk 30 year old with two of his female stripper friends. Well FINE, SIR! I shall take my business ELSEWHERE!

Went to Dr. Sketchy's on Monday, it was way to much fun for $10. The infamous Bunny Pistol was our model. Here's a couple drawin's with some Photoshop color love....

I am an Android-American.

Just learned some interesting facts about my heritage from my Grandma. It turns out I'm Cuban, Irish, and a quarter Bionic. My Great-Grandfather, Hubert Von Cooley (on right) lost a bet while in a drunken stupor in 1894, and was under legal obligation to marry the local town robot. Her name was Lucille-5000 (on left). Hubert Von Cooley was the first to be called a "robo-sexual."
This is a picture from their wedding day.

This explains why I cry oil and my never-ending thirst to terminate.

Saw this today...

A very important, uptight business man, waiting for the bus...and wearing a pair of neon flourescent, knock off 1980's Wayfarer glasses that had the words "Taco Bell" imprinted on the side. I couldn't stop laughing because I wore these when I was 8 years old.

I got them from inside a Taco Bell kids' meal.

Juggling Power!

This happened the other day while I was playing with my 1 year old girl.




So I grabbed some of her plastic blocks to distract her.







Then I thought about what could happen if I hone this amazing power...








(Little known fact, Al Pacino is a huge juggling fan, according to a Wikipedia entry I wrote)

Mario Puzo's Inappropriate Golden Book

Well I'm not smart... I'm like dumb. I have no concept of time. If I was going to have the book ready for APE, it should be at the printers already. I swear it's coming though. Stay tuned.