And More Inappropriate Golden Books

a LOST letter

Dear LOST,

Hey. It's me...How are you? It's been a while. Well....you look good. I mean things seem to be going well for you. I mean your ratings continue to be really good...your really doing well for yourself, and that makes me happy, because you know I always wanted you to be happy, so....yeah. That's great, just great.
Look I know this is a tad awkward but um,... things were left a little unclear and I just wanted to explain. You see,...I'm just going to say it,...

I've been seeing other shows.

A good friend set me up with the entire series of The Wire on dvd, and we've been spending a lot of time together. A lot of emotionally satisfying hours. I'm not saying this to try and hurt you, you know that. You and I spent days together watching both your first two seasons on dvd and I really liked you...in fact, I guess I almost loved you. But you turned a corner in your third season, I felt like you were stringing me along....

I felt... lost.

I needed to know where you saw us going together, but every week all you kept giving me was more questions....and it pushed us apart. I needed answers.
I turned to other shows for fulfillment that I'm not proud of. American Gladiators, Top Chef, Jon and Kate plus 8. Gawd...it sickens me. Don't think of me as a tv whore. I'm not. I just missed you so much. Then I saw The Wire. We were together for five seasons. I still love The Wire, but it's over between us....because the series is over. But more importantly, it wasn't you.
I have to admit, my wife has still been watching you every week, and when she tells me you are on, I scoff at how "ridiculous" you are, and how "your writers are pulling your story outta their butt". But as I sit there pretending to read my magazine, I watch you from the corner of my eye...and then a tear forms in it. I want to see you again.

I want back on the island.


If you'll take me back I'll be waiting in front of my tv on Thursday at 9pm. If something else is on, I'll understand.

Just know that Oceanic Flight 815 is not lost...it has crashed onto the lonely island, that is my heart.

The Last Unicorn on Earth

AFTERWORKS 3 IS COMING!

Here's the first 2 pages from my graphically- novelcated story ( comic ) that will be in AfterWorks 3, due out in the fall. My story is completely dialogue-less, except one page that is all dialogue.

More Inappropriate Golden Books

Don't worry, I'm making a real book of these for the next APE (alternative press expo). Your kids will love'em.

The other day I was checking my email and got quite a nice surprise. I was in my backyard at 10pm,on my laptop "borrowing" my neighbor's wireless internet connection, when I saw that I had an unusually high number of new emails. 3 new emails, sweet! . Had I won some sort of contest? Was an ex-girlfriend desperately trying to reconnect with me via the interweb? Did I send myself an email from the future? Not this time. As it turns out, I'm not the only one that reads my blog. I have fans, that decided to send me mail....or "fan mail" if you will. And so I have decided to post and reply to the fanmail I have received on my blog.

The first email is from Jomney Rickdster, from Brasil, Arkansas.

Hi there Cooley,
This is Jomney I see your blog often do you draw your artworks too, i want to draw artwork like a artist sometimes. What is your favorite artwork? Yes? Maybe next time we talk, we can talk about me visiting you at your house. I will stay for two days ONLY. Please send your cash for bus ticket to me quickly. there's not much time left.

your friend, don't disappoint,
Jomney Rickdster


-Hi Jomney,

Thank you for the kind words that never seemed to end because you have no idea what punctuation means and when to use it. Seriously dude. Have you ever typed on a keyboard before? I'm pretty sure your own name is a misspelling. You need to put down the "artworks" pencil, and pick up an English book. And to answer your question, no, you will not be visiting me OR staying at my house. And you will be receiving NO cash. But seriously, thanks for visiting my blog, your the best.


The second email is from BUGGGGG8469362794ghcw80c@harddrivecrack.com

Mr. Cooley,

wirufgh98rhg098h345ouhg083h0g8h5308hgou5hgo;ah3;g08h35gh;aih5g;oiehg;a895;g80ha;58hg;0a8h5g;8a3h5g08h3a5g8005g8h0;358hg;h;8hoiuhgjgheorthgoehg085hg0385hguh5uhfoghzer8gh0ehgo345uhgo5uihg85gh0;85hgo5uhgouhg0385hg0385hg08h50g8h;5hgou5hgjr.gjh.od8uert8ojetbgj;eoiu;oe8hrtg;8he;gi8h;ehng;ethg;oehtgo;uehguhe.tlubne.tbn.euthoethgoeuhg;oehtgo;e.ljethg


- Hi BUGGGGG8469362794ghcw80c@harddrivecrack.com,

Thanks for the email. I'm not exactly sure what this email is about, it looks like you passed out onto your keyboard. But I'm sure you meant to compliment me on my blog and blogging abilities. Thank you for being such a loyal reader an........Hmmm...folders on my desktop are disappearing, that's weird.


The final email is from Jian mcmuster, from Chusterlan, Minnesota.


Mr. Cooley,

Tired of being lonely? What to be sex giant? Why not impress her with a new instrument? Muscular manhood can be all yours. The best in Ultimate Pleasure awaits you! CLICK HERE!


- Thanks Jian for the email. And thanks for being such a loyal blog reader. However, I already have an instrument. I play the pipe organ, and the ladies ARE impressed by that.

More mailbag coming soon! ........but don't get your hopes up.

Frankenberry!

Another Painting Potluck

Conversation with a Canadian

Professor Cooley- Welcome to "Conversations with Canadians", I'm your (American) moderator, Professor Cooley. This is Part 12 of our 43 part series. Today our guest from the North is Canadian, Nick Sung. Welcome Nick.

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Hiya Josh, it's a pleasure to be here; really. In this interview, and in America!

Professor- So........why are you here? Are you a Canadian draft dodger?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- No, I'm a draft beer dodger, Ha Ha.

Professor- Just answer the question, Canuck.

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Um....okay,... I'm here because I enjoy higher gas prices and paying for health care.

Professor- Interesting, very interesting. When you came into the States, or America, did you have any fruit with you?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- No, just a loaded gun under the passenger seat. But I enjoy an occasional nectarine.

Professor- So...why do people live in Canada... I mean, except for all the people in the Witness Protection Program?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Canada really is a great place to live, and for so many reasons--a bright, liberal, democratic society, rich multiculturalism, a economy on the upswing. Former Governor General and Liason to the Queen Adrienne Clarkson once said, "Lookit how much wheat we've got; wheat." So I like to think about that. Wheat.

Professor- Besides maple syrup and Pamela Anderson, what are some of Canada's other exports?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Canada's economy is actually the eighth largest in the world. Naturally we're a rich provider of naturally resources, petroleum and lumber, nickel, uranium, diamonds and lead, but you might be surprised to know that Canada also produces a large number of motorized geese.

Professor- That Pam Anderson! If I played hockey with her, I'd give HER a body check! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA! Do you get it?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Yes... yes

Professor- Speaking of hockey, what's up with that?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- It's a sport.

Professor- Indeed,...Now that you've escaped from Northern Mexico, is there anything you'd like to say to the rest of the Canadians stuck living in Canada?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- I'd say: I got out, Celine got out, Owen Hart got out, and he won the belt--and you can do it too.

Professor- Lady Liberty is a tempting mistress, isn't she. Well Nick from Canada, thank you for spending your time here today on the internet, addressing real questions with real answers. I just hope that some day, both our countries will be able to come to an understanding, and stop hating each other. That's my dream.

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Yes... n-yes.

Professor- Thank you Nick,......Hey doesn't Canada look like it's a hat sitting on America's head? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Thank you.


Unlike my imaginary friends, Nick is one of my real ones. He is way too talented for his own good, and a real good sport. He is my favorite Canadian (besides Pamela). Check out his beautiful work at....

NICK SUNG AWESOME BLOG