The other day I was checking my email and got quite a nice surprise. I was in my backyard at 10pm,on my laptop "borrowing" my neighbor's wireless internet connection, when I saw that I had an unusually high number of new emails. 3 new emails, sweet! . Had I won some sort of contest? Was an ex-girlfriend desperately trying to reconnect with me via the interweb? Did I send myself an email from the future? Not this time. As it turns out, I'm not the only one that reads my blog. I have fans, that decided to send me mail....or "fan mail" if you will. And so I have decided to post and reply to the fanmail I have received on my blog.

The first email is from Jomney Rickdster, from Brasil, Arkansas.

Hi there Cooley,
This is Jomney I see your blog often do you draw your artworks too, i want to draw artwork like a artist sometimes. What is your favorite artwork? Yes? Maybe next time we talk, we can talk about me visiting you at your house. I will stay for two days ONLY. Please send your cash for bus ticket to me quickly. there's not much time left.

your friend, don't disappoint,
Jomney Rickdster


-Hi Jomney,

Thank you for the kind words that never seemed to end because you have no idea what punctuation means and when to use it. Seriously dude. Have you ever typed on a keyboard before? I'm pretty sure your own name is a misspelling. You need to put down the "artworks" pencil, and pick up an English book. And to answer your question, no, you will not be visiting me OR staying at my house. And you will be receiving NO cash. But seriously, thanks for visiting my blog, your the best.


The second email is from BUGGGGG8469362794ghcw80c@harddrivecrack.com

Mr. Cooley,

wirufgh98rhg098h345ouhg083h0g8h5308hgou5hgo;ah3;g08h35gh;aih5g;oiehg;a895;g80ha;58hg;0a8h5g;8a3h5g08h3a5g8005g8h0;358hg;h;8hoiuhgjgheorthgoehg085hg0385hguh5uhfoghzer8gh0ehgo345uhgo5uihg85gh0;85hgo5uhgouhg0385hg0385hg08h50g8h;5hgou5hgjr.gjh.od8uert8ojetbgj;eoiu;oe8hrtg;8he;gi8h;ehng;ethg;oehtgo;uehguhe.tlubne.tbn.euthoethgoeuhg;oehtgo;e.ljethg


- Hi BUGGGGG8469362794ghcw80c@harddrivecrack.com,

Thanks for the email. I'm not exactly sure what this email is about, it looks like you passed out onto your keyboard. But I'm sure you meant to compliment me on my blog and blogging abilities. Thank you for being such a loyal reader an........Hmmm...folders on my desktop are disappearing, that's weird.


The final email is from Jian mcmuster, from Chusterlan, Minnesota.


Mr. Cooley,

Tired of being lonely? What to be sex giant? Why not impress her with a new instrument? Muscular manhood can be all yours. The best in Ultimate Pleasure awaits you! CLICK HERE!


- Thanks Jian for the email. And thanks for being such a loyal blog reader. However, I already have an instrument. I play the pipe organ, and the ladies ARE impressed by that.

More mailbag coming soon! ........but don't get your hopes up.

Frankenberry!

Another Painting Potluck

Conversation with a Canadian

Professor Cooley- Welcome to "Conversations with Canadians", I'm your (American) moderator, Professor Cooley. This is Part 12 of our 43 part series. Today our guest from the North is Canadian, Nick Sung. Welcome Nick.

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Hiya Josh, it's a pleasure to be here; really. In this interview, and in America!

Professor- So........why are you here? Are you a Canadian draft dodger?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- No, I'm a draft beer dodger, Ha Ha.

Professor- Just answer the question, Canuck.

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Um....okay,... I'm here because I enjoy higher gas prices and paying for health care.

Professor- Interesting, very interesting. When you came into the States, or America, did you have any fruit with you?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- No, just a loaded gun under the passenger seat. But I enjoy an occasional nectarine.

Professor- So...why do people live in Canada... I mean, except for all the people in the Witness Protection Program?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Canada really is a great place to live, and for so many reasons--a bright, liberal, democratic society, rich multiculturalism, a economy on the upswing. Former Governor General and Liason to the Queen Adrienne Clarkson once said, "Lookit how much wheat we've got; wheat." So I like to think about that. Wheat.

Professor- Besides maple syrup and Pamela Anderson, what are some of Canada's other exports?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Canada's economy is actually the eighth largest in the world. Naturally we're a rich provider of naturally resources, petroleum and lumber, nickel, uranium, diamonds and lead, but you might be surprised to know that Canada also produces a large number of motorized geese.

Professor- That Pam Anderson! If I played hockey with her, I'd give HER a body check! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA! Do you get it?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Yes... yes

Professor- Speaking of hockey, what's up with that?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- It's a sport.

Professor- Indeed,...Now that you've escaped from Northern Mexico, is there anything you'd like to say to the rest of the Canadians stuck living in Canada?

Nick Sung (Canadian)- I'd say: I got out, Celine got out, Owen Hart got out, and he won the belt--and you can do it too.

Professor- Lady Liberty is a tempting mistress, isn't she. Well Nick from Canada, thank you for spending your time here today on the internet, addressing real questions with real answers. I just hope that some day, both our countries will be able to come to an understanding, and stop hating each other. That's my dream.

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Yes... n-yes.

Professor- Thank you Nick,......Hey doesn't Canada look like it's a hat sitting on America's head? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Nick Sung (Canadian)- Thank you.


Unlike my imaginary friends, Nick is one of my real ones. He is way too talented for his own good, and a real good sport. He is my favorite Canadian (besides Pamela). Check out his beautiful work at....

NICK SUNG AWESOME BLOG

A BIG Golden Lebowski Book

Another Painting Potluck.
If you don't like it, well, like, that's your opinion....man.

COOLEY NEWSBREAK!

We interrupt your pointless internet wandering for this COOLEY NEWSBREAK! Bringing you unrelated NEWS from people with the same last name, COOLEY, from around the globe.

MARIE LUPE COOLEY

Thursday, January 24, 2008

When Marie Lupe Cooley, 41, of Jacksonville, Fla., saw a help-wanted ad in the newspaper for a position that looked suspiciously like her current job — and with her boss's phone number listed — she assumed she was about to be fired.

So, police say, she went to the architectural office where she works late Sunday night and erased 7 years' worth of drawings and blueprints, estimated to be worth $2.5 million.

"She decided to mess up everything for everybody," Jacksonville Sheriff's Office spokesman Ken Jefferson told reporters. "She just sabotaged the entire business, thinking she was going to get axed."

It didn't take Steven Hutchins, owner of the architectural firm that bears his name, much time to figure out who'd done it — Cooley was the only other person who had full access to the files.

Police arrested Cooley Monday evening and charged her with causing greater than $1,000 damage to computer files, a felony. She was bailed out the following afternoon.

Hutchins told one TV station he'd managed to recover all the files using an expensive data-recovery service.

As for the job, Cooley originally wasn't in danger of losing it. The ad was for Hutchins' wife's company.

The firm told FOXNews.com that Cooley no longer is employed there.

A Poem to my Love

To my dearest love,

I long for the second that both the clock hands reach straight up and touch, sending me to you. The heart in my stomach is empty and only you have the substance I crave to fill that emptiness. I leave my comfort zone, traveling the neighborhood by foot, in search of you. I hear your sweet siren song of "La Cucaracha" approaching, and I know we will soon be together. The sun shines brightly and I see your reflection, you are a bright shiny beacon of deliciousness. You stand there before me, I have found you again. We are together. And you aren't going anywhere...because there are blocks under your wheels. There's a line in front of you, but I'll wait....I'll wait for you. My heart leaps for joy just being in your presence, I've been counting the hours since we were last together......yesterday. You look good, fully stocked with Nacho Cheese Doritos, Nestle Crunch Bars, Pop Rocks, and that weird soda that I've never tried. Oh, what's that? Your glistening body has a new advertisement for pre-paid phone cards, classy. You replaced the used car ad for the 1991 Mazda Fastback, that was missing it's passenger seat. Someone must have bought it. What? Huh?! No , I don't have any spare change...no, ...no thank you...sorry!. You aren't parked in the greatest of neighborhoods, but I would walk all the way underneath the highway overpass for you my love. Nothing can stop my heart from beating for you,...except maybe a knife-wielding hobo.
Wow, it's a hot one today. I'll just move under the shade of your swing open overhang,...ahhhh, thank you, that's really nice. Oh, it's my turn to order, I'll have a pollo quesdailla today. Thank you. The Mexican woman inside you repeated back my order, but I couldn't really understand her so I just nodded. I'm not worried about the order being wrong. If anyone can get it right, you mexi-can. Look at your menu, it's beautiful. Tacos, Burritos, Quesadillas, Hot Dogs. You satisfy my every desire. What? What did she say? I think the mexican woman called out my order but I'm not sure. I'll just stare at her until she points my order at me. Oh, okay, it's mine. And this....dollar bill, is for you. I'm just going to slide it into your old peanut butter/tip jar that is taped to the window. That's for you love. Consider it gas money to come back tomorrow. Well I better get going...I have to leave in order to see you tomorrow. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Promise me you'll come back. I already miss you. I know this delicious pollo quesadilla will fill my stomach with joy and fill my heart with happiness. I also know it will leave my body as easily as it goes in. Your love is truly a gift. As I look back down the block, I can still see you, shiny, and metal. We won't be together for another 24 hours but you'll always be in my heart, literally, your food isn't the healthiest. But that matters not to me, my heart drives for you. I turn back for one last look, knowing you'll be back tomorrow.....unless you're deported.

I love you Taco Truck.

PLOT DEVICE!

It's a good ol' fashioned Battle of the Bands! The Gauntlet has been thrown down. And the all-Story band, Plot Device, is going to pick up the gauntlet and hit Animation's band, The Ron Zorman Project, in the face!

You can see pictures of us practicing our hoot-n-nanny here...

PLOT DEVICE

That's me plucking the sultry, siren's song out of the String bass. I carved that bass myself out of antique doors that I stole from various churches, and the strings are made out of puppy and a select few woodland creatures. That's what makes it sound so beautiful. That, and I trapped a small orphan child within the body of the instrument.


FYI- Poster designed by the talented Scott "Look I just made another book while I was sleeping" Morse