Monday, October 25, 2010

The Inception


Did you see 'The Inception'? I did. Like 8 times. Not by choice, I was accidentally locked in a movie theater after I ran inside to evade these bully middle school kids that chase me home everyday after work. But that's a whole different story.
The real question is : Did you know The Inception is real?
Now, I'm a sane person. I've never been institutionalized. I've never been on any type of medication. So it's safe to believe me and accept it as fact when I say that major corporations have been trying to infiltrate my dreams and steal my thoughts/secrets for years. Which major corporations you ask? Ever hear of Morgan Stanley? Colgate? McGraw-Hill? Revlon? National Football League? Phillip Morris International? J-Crew? to name a few. I am on constant alert 34 hours a day/ 19 days a week for dream thieves hired by corporations trying to crack my cerebral brain parts. How do I prevent this from happening?

Just like in the Inception, I have a totem. Every morning when I wake up, I reach under my pillow and grab my totem: a .44 Magnum handgun. I fire it 6 times into the ceiling. The above neighbors don't like it and my wife prefers the alarm clock for waking, but if broken plaster falls in my face I know it's real. But if I fire my gun and bubbles or a rainbow shoots out, I know I'm still dreaming and the Weight Watchers corporation may be trying to steal my secret recipe for Mac and Cheese. (the secret is using Mountain Dew instead of Milk)


But the other day I fell asleep while watching The Inception on a plane. Bad idea, of course, because for some reason "The Man" won't let me bring my totem onto a commercial flight. What is this?! Russia?!!
Here's what happened:

I fell asleep watching The Inception.



I dreamt I was watching 'El Encepcion' (the spanish language version), and then fell asleep again...in my dream. A dream within a dream.




In my second dream level, I was in a cage-match fight to the death with Bob's Big Boy.



He body slammed me which knocked me into dream level 3, where I was forced to go to my high school prom again, with a Victoria's Secret model who had the head of ALF.



The possibility of maybe getting some action at my prom (FINALLY!), made me light headed and I passed out, knocking my head on the gym floor, which brought me down into my version of LIMBO...where I've been spending the last 50 years in my mind, back at my worst job ever. Behind the counter at a video rental store, renting soft-core porn to creepy dads.



So if you see a guy with a goatee asleep on a plane, it's probably me. Please hit me very hard in the face with all your might. That should be a strong enough kick to bring me out of limbo, back up through the dream levels and back to reality. After I awaken, I may act a little startled, but all you have to say is "I brought you back" and I'll understand. I will give you a big hug and a monetary reward.

19 comments:

nRandom said...

god i love you.

artistaggie said...

Epic win.

Anonymous said...

You kinda look like The Jesus on your self portraits, so I decided I love you for that...

Let's get married in your limbo, kthxbai!

wb said...

the drawing of you with the .45 might be the greatest thing ever... nope, i'm mistaken. its the spanish language version of leonardo dicaprio. thats the one...

Michael Barquero said...

bahaha, the expression on that first drawing with the 45 is priceless.

David said...

Twas a great post as usual, except for the fact that there is no such thing as a .45 Magnum

.44 Magnum - win

.45 Magnum - fail

Other than that, if someone ever wakes me up on a plane my punching me in the face, I'm blaming you.

Josh Cooley said...

David,
I love that the type of gun I use is the only problem you have with the believability of this post.

Nat Loh said...

I really thought this was a missed opportunity. they should have played this during the end credits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvarxGzIU3M

Anthony Francisco said...

again and again.. lots of funny stuff on here.

After reading the interview with Minka Kelly, I was hooked! I left a comment but then I realized that you probably wont read it.. so I decided to comment on your most recent post, coz I wanted to make sure you get my message.... Sir thank you for making me laugh today.. I needed that!

Octavio E. Rodriguez said...

Man, that was awesome.

Lazarus Lupin said...

Very funny and love your illustrations!

lazarus Lupin
http://strangespanner.blogspot.com/
art and review

Emerson said...

your posts always make my day. good one!

Alina Chau said...

HA! HA!! THese are real fun!

John__Michael said...

hahahahaha. God, this blog is freaking awesome.

Suraj said...

Thats ..Awesome ....

dgderrick said...

Love your humor & drawings. We both share a common experience: We've had Justin Hunt as an office mate.

Chris Kennett said...

Bravo, sir. Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff.

And I loved the movie, too. Which would be called La IncepciĆ³n if it were translated directly...but was actually released as El Origen where I saw it.

Fwiw, as a rule, I punch people when they´re sleeping...they´re the only ones I can out run...

Anonymous said...

abosolutly briliant