When I'm not lifting heavy weights over my head, or washing my boat in my driveway, or doing the dew...I like to complete other manly tasks. Like read my old comic books from when I was a kid. I have all the greatest superheroes adventures at my fingertips... Captain America (meets Mr. T), The adventures of Jimmy Olsen, Jughead and friends... the list goes on.
But there's one thing I HATE about my comics...the Hostess ads. Sure, the ads LOOK like more comics, and that's how they get you. Your reading about IronMan stopping a bankrobber and he gets the idea to use...TWINKIES!??? WHAAAA?? AH crap, it's an advertisement! Well these things suck and here's my proof. Your honor, may I present to the world wide court, exhibit A....
Okay....let's take this one panel at a time.
"Yes, what a lovely view, Peter. This is the most romantic brick wall I've ever stared at. It's so bricky!"
If Peter doesn't score with this blank slate tonight, then he's hopeless.
Whoa! A random act of....kinda...violence on Peter. I'm surprised they didn't steal his lunchmoney first. BUT THEN this cupcake ad takes a heavy turn...they grab Peter's dreamgirl promising to sexually assault her!....romantically.
Maybe now's not the time to worry about your identity, Peter. Your dreamgirl is being carried into the bushes.
WHAA!??? Cupcakes?? YOU ARE SPIDERMAN. You could distract them with cupcakes...OR YOU COULD DO SOMETHING AWESOME INSTEAD!!! You weren't bitten by a radioactive pastry!!!
( And why did you bring so many cupcakes in your picnic basket? That's way too many cupcakes for two people. Were you anticipating this?)
Holy crap, it worked. Apparantly, there's now TWO ways to stop a rapist. Mace, and cupcakes.
Wait...Spiderman made a webbed hottub for them to sit in while enjoying their sugary treats?? Why??
Congrats Peter! From your dreamgirl's point of view, you were in no way a part of this scenario, yet she still wants to make sweet, sweet love to you. Looks like Hostess just made your dreams come true....somehow.