Monday, October 12, 2009

Why I hate children.

I don't hate children. I just thought that would be a funny title. But something needs to be done about today's meddling kids!

I was taking time to carefully back out of my driveway, when I heard yelling and a faint honking noise. I looked in the street, didn't see any cars coming....then I saw him, not 4 feet from my door. The neighbor boy, driving his Shelby Mustang Power Wheel, yelling at me for blocking the sidewalk. A third grader with road rage. His sister sitting shotgun, locked eyes with me, waved her fist in the air and shouted "move it, or lose it."

I sat there shocked for a second wondering why this kid has a nicer car than me, which was a second too long for him because he began ramming his front end into my side panel. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Is this now considered an accident? Do we have to swap insurance information? Or should I just get out, pick up his Mustang and toss it into the bushes?

What is with kids today? At the risk of sounding like an old man, you kids suck. You brats have everything you could ever want at your fingertips and it's never enough. For example, Legos. I had Legos growing up. Colored blocks that came with instructions with no words on them. When I would cry to my mom that I had no friends... she would say "Yeah, but you've got a lot of Legos." But my Legos sucked compared to what they are today. Look at this. You like Legos? Yes. You like Star Wars? Double Yes! Well here you go....a Lego AT-AT, instant awesomeness.

So not fair. I would have given up my Otter Pop addiction to have this as a kid. I built a Star Wars AT-AT from SCRATCH once using pieces from all of my other non-Star Wars Lego sets, because STAR WARS LEGOS WEREN'T INVENTED YET!!! It was cool except that I had to use Legos from my pirate ship set, race car sets, and happy meal Legos...which meant I ended up with a multi-colored, rainbow AT-AT that looked like it belonged in the Hoth gay pride parade. A Gay-T AT.



I think we can all agree the blame for all the bratty children should be put on the internet. So on the count of 3, let's all pull our power-strips out of the wall without safely shutting down our computers. That'll show the world wide web who's boss. Ready? one...two...thre---




15 comments:

Lucas Ferreyra said...

Helloooo? Anybody out there?...

Lucky said...

hehe I do so love the drawings attached!
But come on a)It's mostly north american spoiled kids from california or ny that have this additude and b)you work at pixar, you work for kids :)
Growing up in europe I also had those legos as a kid, and it wasnt untill I went to north america for a bit that I noticed how people(not just kids) love to complain. Complain about everything they havent got... They've got a plasma tv, they want a bigger one! They've got 2 cars, they want 4! They just cant get enough and feel it's a right and they deserve to have everything handed to them. I blame parents personally for not raising them right and basicly buying their love when they were kids so they turned out like this.
Meh... what can you do. Just keep in mind, not every kid is like that asshole with the car screeming I've got a small youknowwhat but i'll make it up by spending my dad's hard earned money on you

Bill Robinson said...

Haha, I know what you mean. You should get a rocking chair and sit on your porch and yell "GET OFF MY LAWN!"

You gonna be at APE? I will be at Table 286!

Ev said...

LOL! Yeah man! Punk ass kids. >:(

LHOOQtius ov Borg said...

"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad." -- W. C. Fields

Daniel said...

I bet there were lots of dancing storm troopers aboard the Gay-T AT.

Marcelo Vignali said...

Wow, that's a funny story. Kids with road-rage.

Anthony Holden said...

I vote for tossing it in the bush. I know some kids like this, and the only thing that can fix 'em is a good bush tossin'. All you have to do now is park your car in the sidewalk and wait--they'll show up again. Hooligans like that always return to the scene of the crime.

Michael Mercer said...

I had to make darth vader masks out of medieval helmets and storm troopers from grocery store workers. The highlight of my lego career was the coveted 6-wheeled M-tron land rover which we converted into a Jawa sandcrawler

matt said...

"Why i hate old people"

1. Always complaining that kids have everything, even though old people are the ones giving the stuff to kids.

2. They do not understand that homosexual AT-ATs have feelings too.

Learn the rules of the sidewalk gramps.

David Wolter said...

I don't laugh out loud at blogs very often - But I saw your "gay-t AT walker" and couldn't not.

Danny Araya said...

I couldn't stop laughing at this post.

jennie w. said...

Try having six kids and raising them in that sort of world without letting them get spoiled. You start looking like the Mom version of Scrooge. My kids are lucky to have scooters while everybody else wheels around in Barbie Jeeps and mini Escalades. (But they do have Star Wars Legos. Sorry.)

Karl Katzke said...

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Wil said...

Hey, since when are they called Legos? It's just Lego even if there's more than one of 'em. Sorry, I'm old, angry and a nerd.