Sunday, September 28, 2008

There's been a lot of jibber jabber and hoopla recently about oil, and the next president, and the economy, and blah blah blah everything sucks. But we are being distracted from the major issues here. And because I have a blog that reaches literally TENS of people, I'm going to do on this blog, what other blogs don't.......voice an opinion. And my hope is that you will agree with my opinion without question, and send a healthy monetary donation (paypal preferred) to my blog/cause, so that we may join hands (figuratively speaking only, I don't know where your hands have been) and stand up for the rights that we as human beings, so rightly deserve. So get a pissed off look on your face, pump your fist in the air, and get angry as you read another 100% rant filled edition of--
I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic the other day when I had an epiphany. I realized I was wasting my life away while sitting in this large metal, vibrating hunk of deathtrap we call a car. So as I pulled onto the shoulder of the freeway to speed past everyone (including the accident), I thought "This wouldn't be a problem if I had a jetpack!" And that pisses me off. I don't have a jetpack. Way to drop the future ball on that one, old people scientists, another scratch on the "letdown scoreboard" for you.
We have pills that make you lose weight, a robot VCR that records television for you, cleanser that uses Oxygen to remove stains--HOW COME WE HAVE NO PACKS THAT JET!????
And I'm talking about a REAL jetpack, not that lame one the guy uses to fly into football games and air shows. That guy looks stupid, and like he's almost about to blow up. I want one the size of a normal backpack, that I don't need a helmet to steer with. It should operate like a Segway, but in the air. Is that too much to ask? And guys, think of all the chicks you would get if you flew overhead with a jetpack. Answer: tons. And guess what, you make it so the jetpack doesn't run on gasoline, and then there's no more relying on foreign oil. Problem solved. Heck, I don't care if the jetpack runs on crushed dreams or baby dolphin meat-- I want to get airbourne now!

6 comments:

Fett101 said...

I'd rather a flying car then a jetpack. That way you're protected from the elements.

JeremySaliba said...

JET PACK! JET PACK! JET PACK!

Chris Palmer said...

Indeed you have hit on a very important topic. Artificial flight in the 21st century. DaVinci had some drawings of a dude with wings strapped to his back... and we still haven't gotten there. We don't want to sit in something that flies. We want it on our back.

On another note, my wife's sister's boyfriend's dad owns a business that hires out those "event jetpackers". They make a cool 40 grand for each pop up into the sky. I should take that up, do two events a year, and buy a house.

Lucas Ferreyra said...

the world need more blogs like this! I love it! (but I'm not snding you any money)

Adamations said...

http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/transportation/4217989.html

I found you some jet packs Josh. maybe soon they'll fly for longer than 30 sec.

Scotland Barnes said...

I don't know - people can barely make it though the super-market without a collision. And what about people flying drunk? - ooooohhhh wait, that might make for a new interesting way to people watch!

Guess you could also treat all those people flying around like the ol' Duck Hunt Nintendo game.....