Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Helpful Advice from Phillip

If your a frequent reader of this blog, you know my main goal is to help people. I am like an internet Oprah. Honestly, I get a lot of mail from people asking for guidance and I just don't have the time to help everyone...let me rephrase that, I don't have time to help anyone... except myself. I am not an internet Jesus. So I have hired some help. Oprah has Dr. Phil, and now I have Phillip...my new advice columnist. Some people may scoff and say "he's not old enough to be a doctor!" Well, actually he's not even old enough to drive. So there. But what he lacks in "knowledge", he makes up with advice. Let the healing begin.



-Dear Phillip,
I am a 44 year old woman with a steady boyfriend for the last 6 years. He wants to get married but I'm still not sure I want to. Is there something wrong with me?
- Confused Girlfriend

Dear lady,
OMG your sireously 44!!!!! That's oldir than my dad!! U cant get married now becuz that would be way gross. Tell your BF you want to be friends until u like die that way you never get married. And since your practikally in the grave anyway, it wont matter. P-man OUT!

-Dear Phillip,
My boss at work is very verbal when negatively responding to my ideas in front of my fellow co-workers. I try to shake it off but it's really been getting on my nerves recently. Overall, I'm a relatively shy person, so I'm not sure how to approach the situation. Any suggestions?
- Abused employee

Dear wussy,
Get a friggin backbone, u loser. Next time tell your boss to kiss it and then drop the people's elbow into his face! Then ask him whos the boss now?! Or get some numchucks. Did you see IronMan yet? Nobody messes with IronMan, becuz he's awesome!!!1 BOO YAH!

-Dear Phillip,
My stepson seems to be becoming more distant to me and his mother as time goes on. We are concerned because he spends a lot of time online and playing video games. Could this be the root of the problem?
- Concerned Parent

Dear Fake Dad,
Does he have a Wii? Or X-Box? My homey Dustin has a X-Box but it SUCKS!!!!!1 I have a Wii AND a PS3 which is awesome. The graphics are amazing and the game selection rocks. Your stepson should get GTA4. I dont have it yet but Dustins brother bought it becuz he has a fake id and he said you can kill anyone in the game. My burthday is coming so i'll probaly ask for it...and some of those shoes with the pop out wheels so i can skate around the mall. HELLA TIGHT!

Send in your questions to be personally answered by Phillip!

Update- with sent it questions...

Dear Phillip,

I was drawing my comic strip & accidentally dropped the pencil on the floor. I can't finish drawing the cartoon without it & now beside myself, what should I do?
-Butterfingered Cartoonist

Dear CartoonGuy,

Are u sireous??!!!1 Thats yer question? Sounds like somenbody accidentally dropped you once. You should maybe pick up your pencil, then stab yerself in the eye for asking a dum question. I drew a cartoon once. It was about me, except i was this robot with guns for hands that had to kill all the monsters on this other planet...It was probably the awesomest thing I've ever drawn.
P-Dogg


3 comments:

Larry Levine said...

Dear Phillip,
I was drawing my comic strip & accidentally dropped the pencil on the floor. I can't finish drawing the cartoon without it & now beside myself, what should I do?
-Butterfingered Cartoonist

Ash said...

Awesome Blog... I really hope your a story artist at Pixar because you have a great sense of humor.

Josh Cooley said...

Thanks Ash!
I am working for Pixar, that's probably the only true sentence on my entire blog.