Tuesday, April 22, 2008

ADVERTISE HERE!



When I started this blog, I was under the impression that as soon as people started visiting my corner of the internet, the Benjamins would start rolling in. I was misinformed. So in order to pay my mortgage this month, I've had to rent out some blog space to some classified ads. Please patronize these advertisers so that I no longer have to eat dog food for dinner. Thank you.

FOR SALE

Twenty-three Black and White Panda Bears up for grabs. Want to show your kid you love'em? Why not do it with a panda? These bears are probably disease free and full of love...and beef jerky. These lil' bastards love beef jerky. Why am I selling 'em? What do you care, they're alive and cheap...mind your business. If interested, I've got'em all in my van, send me your address, I'll drive to you.
P.S.- Pandas in van may not look exactly like pandas in picture, but whatever, a panda's a panda.

MISSED CONNECTIONS
F/M I saw you on the subway Friday morning, you complimented my skirt then proceeded to swat at imaginary bees circling your head. You wore a torn, stained sweatshirt covered with a flannel shirt, covered with a rain jacket, covered with a snow vest. Your smell lingered as you exited the train while wildly ranting about the government and shouting obscenities. As the train pulled away, I watched through the window as you dove face first into a lidless trash can, mining for lost treasures.
If you somehow read this, I will be waiting at that trashcan tomorrow morning.

JOB LISTING
ISO Female actresses for "artistic" student film
Hey, do you live nearby? Are you a hot actress who wants to be a star in pictures, moving or not? I'm the director of a student film that needs 2, but preferably 3 really hot, like smoking hot, actresses who can act. My movie is like a futuristic fantasy set in renaissance times, and like these hot alien babes come to earth and mate with the king of the galaxy (who is a centaur), and his bodybuilding brother. I will play the king... and probably his brother too. Email me your headshot/measurements so I can judge your talent.
Please have a sexy look something in the vicinity of this.

4 comments:

Doug Cox said...

nice.

Larry Levine said...

Do the pandas come in any other colors?

Josh Cooley said...

I asked the advertiser that question, he says he'll throw in a free spray paint can of any color you want.

Vegancat said...

If you wanna make your kid cry that´s the right way to kill the panda of with feeding it beef jerky.

Just because it belongs to the family of bears does not mean it eats meat..

Ok..back to dissecting manatees.

Oh before i forget, for the next lesson i would like to lease 10 panda bears..after that you can make game jerkys out of them.

Because these bears are vegetarian you can not catch as many diseases as from eating carnivore bears but they should taste similiar.