Tuesday, December 23, 2014

'Twas the wife before Christmas...

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danc'd in their heads,
And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.
I drift'd off to slumber, with nothing to fear,
For I knew in just hours, Christmas would be here;
When all of the sudden I heard such a clatter...

 It was my wife. Shaking me awake.
"What? What is it?"
"I heard something outside."
"I didn't hear anything."
"I think someone's in the backyard."
"Nobody's in the backyard, go to sleep."

As my mind slipp'd into a state of sedation,
my head roll'd into its pillow indentation;
Then she shook me again right out of my sleep,
Are you serious, woman?! What the beep?!

"I heard it again. Go outside and see what it is."
"It was probably a cat or something. Go to sleep."
"Go check."
"It's three in the morning."

There was silence; not of the good kind,
I knew I was to hear a piece of her mind.

"I can't even believe you right now. You always do this. What is wrong with you..."

I sprang from my bed and storm'd off to the kitchen,
I was tired and angry and sick of her b... constructive criticism;
Rummaged through the junk drawer to find a flashlight,
walked out the backdoor, and into the night.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
made my naked feet freeze, it was forty below.
When, what to my wondering eyes did appear,
not a burglar, or cat, or a grazing mule deer;
T'was the culprit responsible for the loud crash,
a friggin' raccoon, digging thro' the trash.
Grasping a rock, I aimed for its dumb head,
It hiss'd and scamper'd off, and I to my bed.
I lept under the covers to escape the chills,
My wife now watching TV;  Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

"What was it?"
"A racoon. What are you doing?"
"I can't sleep."
"Can you lower the volume?"
"Yeah. Thank you for going outside."
"No problem. Love you."
"Love you."

I sigh'd with exhaustion as into the night,
I lay there awake, listening to the awful women fight;
No sugar plums in my head, can't catch a single wink,
When my wife's foot touches mine, which makes me think;
It's late, we're alone, this could be our chance,
To do the horizontal tango, the mommy/daddy dance.
Time to romance her, but to do it just right;
I rolled over, "Wanna be on MY naughty list tonight?"
And I heard her exclaim, as she turned out the light...

"Eww, don't talk like that. It's Christmas."


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

THANK YOU for your patience!

Due to the amazing, overwhelming response to our prints online, we have been flooded with orders. Many have emailed about their order status. Our prints will be taking a little longer than normal because of the sheer amount of orders. Each print is printed on demand (no inventory) and then hand-signed and numbered by Josh, which takes longer than Amazon, but makes it extra special and therefore more awesome. Thanks to everyone for your support, your prints are on their way.


Saturday, March 1, 2014


Stop on by! I'll be degrading the value of new copies of Movies R Fun by scribbling my name on the inside.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Gallery 1988 Show!

I am so pumped for this.
We are having a gallery show/book launch event at the awesome GALLERY 1988, WEST
For all you in the Los Angeles area, stop by this SATURDAY, February 22nd from 8-10pm.
This will be the only place you can get the book before it's March 1st release!

And be sure to check out the NEW TRAILER!

Friday, January 17, 2014


IT'S REAL! Got my advance copy of MOVIES R FUN by Chronicle Books. I'm VERY happy with the way it turned out. It hits shelves on MARCH 1st, everywhere books are sold. Like on the internet. I hear they have books there. Don't believe me? Check out this link, smart guy...


Get one and show it to yer lookin' balls!

We're gonna need a bigger boat...to hold all these PRINTS! (See what I did there?)

Now available HERE, or click the PRINTS link to the right.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Christmas prints!

Hey YOU! Christmas is almost here. Stop making out with that snowman and order your prints NOW! Gotta do it by the end of the day, tomorrow, December 19th for DOMESTIC orders to arrive by Christmas.